New Blog

So I'm trying out a new blog site... seems pretty sweet. But I don't know how to like... send people from this one to that one without putting in a link. I feel like there IS a way to do that, but whatever.

So here is the new site!

Hey, It's a New Year

New Year's Day is odd, really. It's just like any other day. Any other first day of a month. Except it's also the first day of the year. And what does that mean? It means we think about the year ahead of us and what we'd like to do with it. We determine things we need to change about ourselves and our lives and we set goals to change them. It feels so good to have a new start. Every year is a chance for a new start, I suppose.

How often do you think that people actually take advantage of that and utilize it to its full potential? Most of the time I think people last a few weeks, maybe even a month or two, and then go back to how they were before; their lives no different.

All of these resolutions, though, are important. They make us feel so new and... good, quite simply. We get excited about them and planning them and attempting to carry them out. So even if you don't know if you'll last very long with your New Year's resolution(s) I still think it's important to make them.

Mine are as follows:

1. Continue to be a better person... a more understanding person... a more aware and grateful person. I don't want any more big regrets in my life.
   
2. Tone up my bod. I don't think I need to lose a ton of weight--maybe 10 pounds tops--but you know how sometimes you just feel terrible... so out of shape and just, blah? That's how I feel. That needs to stop.
3. Save up some cash and move out of state. This might not be feasible until the beginning of next year... but my fingers (and Kevin's) are crossed that it will be able to happen at the end of this year.

So good luck to anyone and everyone who has their resolutions in mind... I hope you reach all of your goals for 2009, but if you don't... that's okay too! There's always next year, right? HaHa.

I Want a New Ride

Although I'm grateful to have the Jeep my parents gave me after my Grand Prix took a crap and couldn't manage getting up my driveway... I do need a new car probably within the next year. The thing has been good to me, but it's got 216,000 miles on it... lots of crap wrong with it... and for the love of god I'm just so sick of having old ass cars that have issues!

As of right now I'd either want a Mini Cooper (preferably S JCW), or a Dodge Caliber (preferably SRT4). They're both so cute and fun! Kevin says they're good, too. I basically just listen to him when it comes to cars.
Now I just need to secure a big kid job so I can save up some money or be able to make payments! Blah!

L is for the way...

I can breathe.

Last weekend Kevin decided that he wants to be with me again... ! And it feels so FANTASTIC! Ugh. I'm so happy happy happy! He is being so great, too. Last night I was doing a reading on campus and he came all the way here to see me, and decided to stay the rest of the week with me. I mean... how lucky am I?! He's completely amazing. I'm going to be so damn deserving of his sweetness... it's going to be ridiculous! *giggle*

I truly am amazed that he is with me... I'm so thankful... he is such a wonderful person. The depths of his wonderfulness cannot be explained! Honestly though, it's incredible to me. It's probably incredible to a lot of people!

On a side note, I really love making new friends. I love meeting people and spending time with them and realizing, "I really enjoy their company!" Not just enjoying their company, but knowing that we can connect and be more than just friendly acquaintances. In all honesty it doesn't happen all that often in my life. I meet a lot of very nice people, but it's not so common for me to genuinely feel like I could be great friends with other females.

So yay to that. And yay to Kevi!!!!! Yay to Love.

.like we always do it this time.

How do we learn to be grown-ups? I just had the sudden realization that I always have so many things going on... so many things in my mind that I remember I need to do. I have lists and sticky-notes and mental reminders... and I get things done. I make appointments and keep them, I organize my to-do lists, I pay my bills, I make good decisions (generally...) and I am a productive member of society.

When did all of this happen?! HaHa. Really though... it's interesting to me how we go from completely care-free little kids with literally nothing necessary to do to these adults who take care of themselves. Well, who are supposed to take care of themselves. I guess some people don't or just don't know how.

I suppose I'll give my parents most of the credit. *giggle* I mean... they were my example for how to be an adult. They taught me how to be responsible for myself and how to get things done on time. At the same time, they taught me to enjoy the people in my life and not to let LIFE get the best of me.

My appreciation for my parents is never-ending, I think. I was so effing lucky/blessed! They did all of this for me... taught me so many things either purposely or inadvertently... and they managed to do so without me hating them or thinking they're stupid or something! *giggle* I genuinely love them as people and have a pretty great relationship with them. Not everybody can say that in complete honesty. And sometimes people can say, "My parents are my best friends" but maybe they aren't very good at taking care of themselves.

I just think that being able to be independent is such a beneficial trait. Sure it's nice to know that there are other people in your life you can count on... but also knowing that if you need to take care of something you CAN do it yourself is a fabulous feeling! I feel like it means that some day when I have little ones of my own to take care of, I'll be able to do it confidently.

No idea where this random post came from. HaHa. Time for me to go be that responsible adult I was just talking about. Studying is calling my name. Blah! I never said I LOVE being responsible all the time.

Definition of fierce, hot mess.

I'm done thinking I know what is going to happen with my current relationship situation. Yes, it is a situation. I just... I don't... I don't even know!

My hope dwindles a bit every now and then... but I haven't completely lost it yet, so that's good. Half the time I feel like I'm being played. Or just lied to. Or intentionally hurt. I don't really believe any of those things fully... but it's just a feeling from time to time.

This is all incredibly difficult... I'm not the type of person who can easily hold back what I feel. I feel things and I feel them strongly and I want to tell people how I feel. Holding back my emotions or my thoughts is not an easy task. Biting my tongue is not an easy task, either.

I'm not sure where my line is... but I need to have one. I need to have a line so that if it is crossed I will know that I need to end all of this for my sanity. Probably for his, too. I just can't figure out where that line is. Who knows. Maybe he thinks I shouldn't even have one. Maybe he thinks I don't deserve to have one and I should just take whatever is thrown at me and shut my mouth about it. I don't know! I don't know because he never wants to actually talk about anything. Not really. He wants to ignore it or fight about it.

Blah. Blah blah blah! Steve said it best... "This is all just a hot, hot, HOT mess."

Lil Update

Life is getting a bit better. :)

I'm still incredibly distracted most of the time... my school work is slacking a bit... but not a TON. My priorities are so great. HaHa. Really thought, it's fine! For now...

Kevin and I spent ALL of last weekend together and it was fantastic. Ah! :D I just love him. More than I could explain so I just won't even try. I don't think it can be explained. Love is fun like that. We've been pretty good recently... I've gotten a bit more hope, so I'm happy.

My last semester is half-way over. I can't wait! But speaking of school... I should really be catching up on some homework right now. Adios.